Sex File: How do we get back on track in bed after her affair?

"Infidelity is often motivated by underlying problems in a marriage, but the "relationship-deficit" model doesn't solely explain it. Some people use affairs as a way of boosting their self-esteem or exploring sex in a way they don't feel able to in the marriage."

Mon, 03 Mar, 2025 - 01:00

Suzi Godson

My wife had a fling with a former colleague last year. We are both trying hard to work through it, and in theory I feel like I will be able to forgive her but I'm not sure how to get our sex life back on track. Where do we start?

You don't say what you mean by "trying hard to work through it", but if you still feel that you are only "theoretically" capable of forgiving your wife a year on, that doesn't sound like a promising foundation for sexual intimacy. Trust is essential for real connection. If you can't forgive, you can't forget, and the idea that you can get your sex life back on track when you haven't properly processed your feelings is naive.

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